More Fan Mail

Friday Jun 17, 2005

Yeah yeah yeah.... You know what, I've been busy. Editing is hard work. So is starting a new band and having out of town guests come everyday. Phrensick has started back up, so between the two sites you should get enough web content for one.

Anyway. Over the years I've gotten many a strange letters, some from fans, some from friends being douche bags, and some from strangers who felt that I misrepresented Paul McCartney and his stance of microwaveable meals. Most of the letters have been kind or silly but these latest two were just evil.

These were received on Tuesday. Note that whoever wrote them chose to remain unnamed. Here they are for your consideration (these letters are rated R for graphic language):

Letter 1 (a build-your-song request)

"From: Fuck You
Reply To: jeremyroundsucksdick@eatashit.com
To:
Subject: Build-Your-Song Request
Date: Tue, 14 Jun 2005 14:00:01 -0400

A request for a new song from Build-Your-Song
It was requested by: Fuck You
Email Address: jeremyroundsucksdick@eatashit.com
-----------------------------------------------

REASON: Mother's Day
STYLE: Anything you do sounds like shit anyway

IDEAS:
You're a loser who sounds like some stupid fuck we'd hear in a gay bar that would get cockslapped off stage. Include something about you being a complete fucktard that nobody likes. I mean, we all already know it, so hearing you say it would just be cool. But not really cool, because it's you and we hate you.

INSTRUMENTATION:
Shove your lead guitar up your pussy, you dumb fuck. And some percussion involving your head getting popped under a tire would be nice, too.

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS:
Yeah... Fuck you. And have a horrible day."

and Letter 2....

"From:
Reply To: noreply@jeremyround.com
To:
Subject: Fuck you
Date: Tue, 14 Jun 2005 14:34:45 -0400

SENT FROM THE FORM ON JEREMYROUND.COM
This is an email from: Clay Aiken is gay
-----------------------------------------------

I hope your doing well in san fransisco. Instead of buying guitars maybe you should invest in a fucking gym membership you pussy. well anyways im gonna go back to looking at your lame ass web site. just wanted to stop by and tell u that your music sounds like shit. I hope you didnt spend all the money on it."

Well I suppose if "Clay Aiken is gay" or "Fuck You" had left an email address this would be my response:

"Dear CAiG or FY,

Awwwww.... How sweet. Thank you for the letters and for spending some time with us at JeremyRound.com. Despite infrequent updates as of late our webtraffic is at an all time high due to our increased web visibility.

I'm glad you have written me so early for your Mother's Day song request. Having almost eleven months to write such a complicated piece will allow for the quality product that you and your mother will be able to enjoy for years to come.

I am not familiar with the style you have chosen for this song and would like to discuss it further. Please send your phone number and a good time to reach you and I will follow up with you to obtain the necessary information.

As far as your well wishes for my life in San Francisco, I have actually relocated to sunny Southern California. I think my website indicates such, but I apologize for any confusion and appreciate your kind thoughts.

I also thought you'd be happy to know that I actually have several guitars AND a gym membership. Turns out when you do well enough you can afford both and for such luxuries to be a part of my life, I feel truly blessed.

I'm sorry that you do not enjoy the music or perhaps I misinterpret and you enjoy the sound of defication. Nonetheless, all "the money" remains in tact and my financials are quite well.

Thank you, CYig/FY, again for your letters and I look forward to working with you on your Build-your-song request!

All the best,

Jeremy Round

PS. I don't know what has embittered you so much to life, but you better find something positive in this world for yourself before you go through the rest of it hating everything."

Neat!

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Friday Jun 17, 2005