The Third and Final Chapter of J & T, LTD.

Saturday Feb 12, 2005

And now the epic conclusion of J & T, LTD....If you have not yet read Parts I and II please use the links to get caught up . . .

Part I

Part II

"Welcome one and all to the first annual office retreat of J & T, LTD. We will start the ice breakers while we wait for Sari to join us," Travis explained to the others. He then unzipped his backpack and pulled out a series of envelopes.

Henry nervously eyed the envelopes. Being a secretive man, a closet party guy as it were, he wasn't much for ice breakers or ice breaking of any kind. He was very comfortable with his perceived nerdiness. His only relief was coming from the current missing status of his lover Sari. Though she had made no indications of their love affair to their coworkers thus far, he still felt that an office retreat with alcohol and bonding might expose what he did not wish to share.

Jon opened the cooler and asked, "Can I offer anyone a quality beverage?" They collectively groaned.

"No not water folks. By quality I mean alcoholic." And just like that they were all relieved.

Chris grabbed a beer, Shaniqua a wine cooler, Henry just took a coke, and the co-owners each uncorked their own bottle of champaign.

4 miles away Sari pulled her car onto the Bay Bridge. Though she didn't see it in her rear view, the source of her death was nearing.

At that same moment, Chris who was staring at Henry affectionately had his attentions diverted. Over his beloved's left shoulder he could see what he on his best day would articulate as, "a grotesquely large unidentified flying object most likely alien in origin." On his best day he would have been right.

The aliens in the distance were the motivation for my having written this short tale of J & T Quality Water and Natural Beverage Consultants, LTC. These aliens visited me in a dream just a few nights ago. I was on Treasure Island looking out at San Francisco. I was with a group of people I did not recognize. We were playing ice breaking games. I could see aliens coming and I saw them shoot some cars off the bridge.

One of these cars was to become Sari's vehicle. Singing her pathetic little heart out to her new Gwen Stefani album feeling good about the sexual affair she was having with Henry and the tremendous amount of affection her bosses clearly had for her, she found herself at peace as her car plunged through the fog and into the ice cold bay.

In my dream the aliens were very unfriendly. It must have been inspired by a film like Independence day rather than say an E.T. or a Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Unlike my dream, these aliens hadn't come to Earth for the sole purpose of destroying the beautiful city of San Francisco. Rather they had come in search of some high quality beverages and would stop at nothing to create and enjoy them.

The captain of the alien ship had recently become aware of a chemical compound that he and his crew found to be quite satisfactory. Wishing to be able to generate this compound himself he seeked consultation on the creation of high quality beverages. This UFO belonged to a group of lost souls of the universe, not violent weird shaped dudes.

The ship peacefully made its way over to Treasure Island and landed just next to the picnic area. Though they all wished to run and scatter in panic, the J & T staff found that they were unable to move. "I can't budge," Travis was able to belt out without moving his lips. One of his great hobbies was puppetry and ventriloquism.

Othorbaladaki, which isn't the name of the captain of the aliens, but I thought it sounded fairly interesting so this is how he will be referred to, exited his ship and waived his fourth arm in a circular motion. Our heroes became unglued and had free will returned. But they now chose not to move.

Othorbaladaki moved closer to speak. But like most aliens he lacked a mouth and did not communicate through audible signals. Unlike other aliens when Orthorbaladaki wanted to be understood by other creatures he could make the words appear in their field of vision by psycicly connecting with their optic nerves. He made the follow appear:

"I wish for nothing more than your help. You are all experts in your field and as a group can make the finest quality beverages on your Earth. Join us for a few days. Teach us. And we in turn will teach you whatever you want to know. Tsumeiduoy, Tsumeiduoy."

Strangely the entire group followed Orthorbaladaki back into his ship. It wasn't clear whether or not they were doing so because they chose to. Even as your narrator I am uncertain to this day as to whether or not forces stronger than humanity were employed to bring J & T, LTD aboard the ship.

Once aboard Chris who had seen the spaceship off in the distance but who had not noticed it blast Sari's car off of the bridge and into the bay asked a simple question, "Where's Sari?"

After a series of shrugging shoulders, a young alien boy who actually was named {~@7TOKTOK came forward. He made the following appear in their eyes, "I killed her. She was polluting the purity of your quality beverage knowledge. She was harming all of our lives."

Henry, usually the squarest of squares, felt his facade peeling away. He had fallen in love with Sari and it was a truer much deeper love than Jon or Travis felt for her. He grabbed {~@7TOKTOK by what he perceived to be his leg but turned out to be the equivalent of our stomach and spun him around and flung him to the floor.

This act made the young alien boy quite dizzy. The dizziness coupled with the squeezing of his stomach forced {~@7TOKTOK to empty his stomach that looked like an arm leaving him sore and very hungry.

Jon ran over to Henry. "What's gotten into you man?"

Henry, who was overwhelmed with emotion sunk down to the cold metallic floor (spaceships are never carpeted). He began to cry. "I love her Jon. We were in love."

"You were WHAT?!" And before Jon could further respond Travis came over to him with fury in his eyes.

What ensued was not pretty. Three men all in love with the same woman who has recently been killed is never pretty.

As the three men fought violently Shaniqua and Chris stood in disbelief. Chris couldn't take his Henry being beaten and ran forth to join the brawl leaving Shaniqua, {~@7TOKTOK, and Othorbaladaki just standing there, watching.

The two aliens nodded to each other although Shaniqua didn't notice. She had begun pleading with all of them to stop but found that she could no longer speak or move. Apparently she was frozen again.

Appearing out of thin air was a huge vat and as the men beat each other repeatedly the vat began to fill. As it filled so too did Shaniqua's eyes with this message, "Anger mixed with the fluid of human life is the beverage we crave. Your mind is the one that posses the knowledge of how to distill this beverage to make it the level of quality we desire."

And as she finished reading her eyes filled with tears and our strange story came to an abrupt end.

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The Third and Final Chapter of J & T, LTD.

Saturday Feb 12, 2005