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Gabe Pierced Up

Tuesday Apr 26, 2005 - Link to Entry

This is the legend of the first piercing of Gabe. Though the result, a pierced cartilage, is completely true, this tale is entirely made up.

142 Kilometres North of London is the small wooded village of Knocksington. With a population of just under 300, its the type of place where everyone knows everyone. A few years back one of the most promising young men to ever be reared in Knocksington, Charles Van Lockheart, vanished just three days before his 17th birthday.

18 Miles Southeast of Seattle is the small city of Waconta Lake. With a population of around 24,000 or so, its the type of place where people like to play sports in the afternoons but keep to themselves at night. A few years back one of the most promising young men ever to be reared in Wacota Lake, Gabe E. Drucker, left to study the law in sunny Los Angeles.

The price of poker just went up folks....we're uping the stakes.

Just 3 days shy of two weeks ago Charles Van Lockheart and Gabriel Elliott found themselves imprisoned by a roaming tribe of middle American Huns. Charles had been plucked from a romantic carriage ride through Central Park with a woman who he thought was a potential lover. He soon found out that she was no potential lover, nor was she a woman.

Gabe had reluctantly boarded a bus that he thought looked strangely like a warcraft. His intuitions were dead on, this was no bus.

As these Huns had gained momentum on their conquest to kidnap the well to do and/or promising young adults of Westwood, Pleasanton, and all of Ventura County, they had rubbed The Lions club of Kansas City, Kansas - Pirate Clan the wrong way.

Charles and Gabe awoke to find themselves gaged and bound in the stockroom of Ralph's Grocery store. Through a series of grunts they were able to make formal introductions. Gabe, realizing that his left foot being slightly bigger than his right could reach his co-captive, used his left big toe to pinch a corner of Charles' gag against a box of fat free pealess pea soup. Charles slowly pulled his head back and his gag came free.

Charles wished to return the favor, but being part Hobbit as many are from cities more than 8 kilometres North of London are, he had very short legs and very hairy feet. But Gabe's ability to communicate effectively will not become essential until later in this tale so the removal of his gag at this point in the plot would be inconsequential.

At that moment the Pirates stormed the Ralphs in a surprise attack of their Hun foes. Hearing their grunting 'Y'ars' and squawking parrots Charles remembered a conversation he had overheard somewhere between Central Park and the Ralph's. The Huns, who spoke more like rednecks and less like the barbarians they so dutifully emulated, had made mention of their growing rivalry with the Lions Club of Kansas City, Kansas - Pirate Clan. Charles decided he and Gabe needed to look like Pirates and fast.

Being used to the cuisines of England Charles found the taste of the ropes to be actually quite gorgeous (yes Brits refer to tasty food as gorgeous). He not only chewed through his imprisoning ties but Gabe's as well.

"Now we must look like pirates my friend," Charles proclaimed as he tied his old gag around his head and then stuck a blunt blade in his ear to reopen an old piercing.

"Your turn. You want a hoop or a stud?"

But before Gabe could respond, a hoop had been inserted on his left ear and they were now looking the part of Pirates. They ran out of the back room to find that the Huns were being trampled by their foes. They were spotted instantaneously.

Three pirates approached Gabe and Charles with swords drawn. "Arr, who ye be?"

Charles responded, "We be the Pirates of Santa Monica, y'arrr."

The three looked at each other, a bit underwhelmed. The leader then asked, "If ye be land pirates such as we, then what be our secret word?"

Charles looked dumbfounded and he pushed Gabe slightly in front of him. Heart beating, palms sweating, Gabe eyed the leader while trying his best to not look nervous. He cleared his throat and said, "Each land pirate clan uses a different secret word. We change ours week to week. I wish not to disclose it to you at this juncture without at least an exchange for your word as a good faith gesture."

"Arr....You are land Pirates."

And then they joined the rest of the Kansas City pack and beat the Huns down with frozen foods and fresh produce. And that is how Gabe came to have a pierced ear.

Why music?

Saturday Apr 23, 2005 - Link to Entry

What is it about music that moves us so?

Often a course in the history of music will start with a discussion of a fetus hearing his/her mother’s heart beating as the first music they will ever hear. A simple rhythm; sixteenth note followed by a quarter tied to a sixteenth rest and repeat. Perhaps the tempo will change, but the rhythm of a healthy heart always stays the same.

We are musical creatures. It is why time both fascinates and regulates us. Life is a series of rhythms.

Have you ever watched a serious scene in a movie on mute or just without the music? Its amazing how much of the emotions of a scene are created and embellished through the soundtrack of the film. Music dictates the feeling the audience is to feel by directing the genre of a given moment in time.

In most cultures the most meaningful moments in life are laced with music. From marriages, to burials, to religious ceremony, to festivals and celebrations, music is the great unifier. To create music is to be intensely entwined in a moment and to hear music is to truly feel.

Music is the only art that has entire art dedicated to appreciating and savoring it. That art is of course dance. I have never really understood dance and I would hardly say that I enjoy watching others interpret song into motion. But I myself do enjoy feeling music through movement, embracing the rhythm – the backbone of song.

As a fan of theatre and more specifically musical theatre I can honestly say that some of the most powerful moments I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing involved intensely passionate songs. Singing is one of the most direct ways to interject emotions into words—and I am certain that such gave rise to the hilarious and intensely popular phrase ‘singing one’s heart out.’

So it is my conjecture that music is something so intensely passionate, personal, fun, and deeply routed inside of our rhythmic and emotional beings that we are virtually helpless in the wake of its power. People embrace music, define themselves by their tastes, tap our rhythms, sing in the shower, and dance in their cars.

What makes music so powerful is that it is a juxtaposition of time and emotions that hits us in the deepest part of our souls.

3 New Teams

Thursday Apr 21, 2005 - Link to Entry

OOOOOOOhhhhhhhh its non-fiction day. Today I will stick to a few updates as I am lacking any sort of huge story to share.

Last weekend was the beginning of a few things, namely three new franchises: Team Fun, Team Productivity, and Team Racquet Sports. Team Fun lacking one of its founding members (Gabe "I like the natural smell" Drucker) headed down to Redondo Beach for some beer pong and a Stripper Party.

For those of you unfamiliar with beer pong it is simply a two on two drinking/sporting event where the first team to sink ping pong balls in all of the opposing team's cups wins. For more information go here.

After we were liquified we headed out to the party. Though the party itself was a bit lame Team Fun did a great job all showing up in costume (except Elia "I couldn't wear a costume to my earlier in the evening dinner plans" Powers). Plus with pornography on the television and a washing machine filled with beer the party did have SOME upsides.

The evening concluded back at the headquarters of fun, 702 Paulina for some more insanity.

Saturday Team Productivity was born. After "dick smacking around all day," as Sam so elegant puts it, the two of us headed to the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf for several focused hours of writing and yep you guessed it, Productivity. We decided after the success of the event that we would continue Team Productivity on a weekly basis.

Sunday brought the return of Team Racquet Sports. This was Team RS's second showing this year. The first being a fun adventure to the 24 hour fitness racquetball courts just a few short weeks ago. Sunday however was a racquet sport I hadn't attempted since the 90's...the EARLY 90's...Tennis.

After gearing up at Target with a shiny new Wilson, a tennis bag, a can of balls, and the essential headband, Nichole, Sam and I engaged in series of tennis matches. Though we are not nearly as good at Tennis as we are at its indoor cousin, being out in the sun makes it all worthwhile.

And to finish up the lovely weekend, Team Fun went out on another adventure, this time to a beach front bonfire hosted by the aforementioned Elia "I couldn't wear a costume to my earlier in the evening dinner plans" Powers. Though I managed to mangle one of my toes playing beach football, chilling by the ocean with a warming fire was a wonderful way to end the Team weekend.

What happened to Sin City?!? Lets talk The Purse

Tuesday Apr 19, 2005 - Link to Entry

I just wrote an entire review of Frank Miller's Sin City that somehow got eaten up by the internet. Because POOF just like that it was gone. Since I am upset that after spending such a dedicated 8 - 10 minutes of constructive writing time and I have nothing to show for it, I will not be attempting to recreate my review. I will say though that it was a positive one that urged people to go check this flick out while its still available in the theatres.

Instead I will write about a short film that I did in undergrad called, "The Purse." This film was in many ways my greatest accomplishment as a student at Northwestern. It was also entirely overly ambitious and in many ways a tremendous flop. I am not sure that I still have a copy of it hidden amongst my old 1/2" (thats biz speak for VHS) collection, but if I did I should make sure that no one from work ever gets their hands on it. Because although it was a unique and fun short film its greatest flaws lay in its editing and sound mixing.

Well as the director, editor, and sound mixer of the project I probably would have to take responsibility for some of those little issues. Let me tell you a bit more about the film...errr...video.

In my video production class Junior year at good ol' NU we were asked to all come up with an original project idea. We would then pitch the ideas to the class and the top four would be picked, groups would be formed, and videos would be shot. Only three of us came up with ideas so "The Purse," was selected by default.

My video production idea was basically a hybrid between Momento and Being John Malkovich. I'm not sure that I had seen Momento yet so I am uncertain as to whether or not I can say it effected my creation.

Anyway...The film was a non-sequential drama/thriller about an adult love triangle - Husband, Wife, and Mistress. The story begins with the Wife and Mistress waiting for the now ex-husband at a restaurant. They are discussing their plan to murder him in non-explicit terms. Slowly both the past and future are unveiled as we see how these two women came to meet as a result of the mistress leaving her purse behind. The two women fall in love and decide the best way to keep the money of the wealthy (ex)husband is to kill him. Yes the idea sounds like it has a few holes in it as I look at it 4 years later.

The professor was actually quite enthused about the idea. He encouraged me to cast professional adult actors rather than just using undergrads and having them pose as adults. After extensive storyboarding, location scouting, and checking out just about every piece of gear we could we headed out to shoot. I was directing despite having only been on a handful of shoots prior to the weekend.

The biggest problems we encountered were that the free actors weren't very good, our crew was often hungover, our locations would change their time allowances, and my DP taped over half of my footage by misunderstanding the concept of timecode...Sorry Jeff but that was the bonehead move of the century!!!

When all was said and done we had some beautiful shots, some mediocre acting, and some fairly vivid sexually implicit scenes. Having two adults at my command rolling around in a bed and cunnilizing (thanks for the word Sam) was, well, quite humourous.

The professor offered to help me re-edit the video which I should have taken him up on in a heartbeat, but it was a tough year for me and I dropped the ball. We all have regrets. Though not the greatest short film, the experience and journey were amazing and isn't that all that matters??

The Purse - 5.5 out of 10

Gnome of Winnemucca

Sunday Apr 17, 2005 - Link to Entry

So it being Sunday we will begin will creative fiction or simply carefully altered truths masquerading as fantasy. Today I tell you the tale of the Gnome of Winnemucca.

Far from home, friendless, and down to his last twenty, Tommy stopped in a desert oasis. He pulled up to the Denny’s truck stop/Shell station and discovered that it was equipped with showering bathrooms, thousands of car de-odorizers, any cell phone cover you could ever need, nine stampede slot machines and a crane game filled with bugs bunny dolls and little plush Laker’s balls.

Needing a shower but deciding a hot meal would serve him better Tommy made his way to the Denny’s. “Anywhere you’d like sweetie,” said a kind face to the stranger as he found a corner booth. “I’ll be right with you.”

It had been weeks since Tommy had talked to anyone. He had been subsisting off of canned goods and his portable stove in some National park in Utah as he camped and hiked away his memories. Coming back into the ‘world’ Tommy suddenly felt the urge to return to his solitude.

His stomach ended up winning the battle against his nerves and he stayed put. The waitress found him starring into space seemingly mumbling to himself inaudibly. “Hey sweetie, you look like you could use a pick me up. You have a taste for anything?”

He felt his eyes meet hers. He hadn’t felt much recently. He hadn’t wanted to feel. He was feeling. He spoke. “I’m quite hungry and don’t have much to offer in the way of financial compensation. I literally have twenty dollars and desperately need a good meal, a shower, and a tank of gas.”

“Well in today’s wintery economic climate who can afford a tank of gas?”

“Or a copyright infringment.” (see Being John Malkovich)

“Touche. I have a brunch special and I can get you coffee for free.”

“I’d be much obliged. That sounds wonderful.”

The waitress walked back to the kitchen. Tommy muttered his last words over and over again to himself. “I’d be much obliged…? What are you Tommy some early 20th century literary protagonist? Talk like normal for chrissakes…Stop being a phony. I hate phonies.”
Two cups of coffee, a full meal, and a half hour or so passed. Tommy sat in the booth sore from his first real food in as long as he could remember, even though he would admit that the use of the word real here is quite liberal.

The waitress returned with the bill. “You already look about a million bucks better and look, the meal only ran you $5.73.”

“I don’t mean to be forward, but you’ve been a sight for sore eyes. I plan to be in town for a few days working on getting some scratch together. Perhaps dinner tomorrow night?”

“Nah, I don’t date drifters. Besides….,” she said as she lifted her left ring finger to show him that she was a taken woman.

Tommy’s eyes turned red. How could he have had such an obvious oversight? He was crazed with self-loathing. He wanted to run as far away as possible as fast as possible.

He paid his bill and headed to the shell. She eyed him as he left her side wondering how such a handsome man had come to be so lonely, angry, and lost.

He filled his tank and then headed back in to pay with his remaining cash. He couldn’t wait to make his way west towards the ocean. Some fresh California air would do him good. The further away the closer he would be to forgetting it all.

When he opened his truck door he saw a tiny statuette sitting in the passenger seat. Attached to this garden gnome was a note. “A partner for your lonely travels. Let it remind you that you are not alone.”

He clutched the gnome and smiled. He started the engine and drove straight West into the soon setting sun.

Highly Linked Adventure in Music

Thursday Apr 14, 2005 - Link to Entry

Its been a busy but hardly blog worthy time here in Los Angeles.  With the start of baseball season approximately 3 hours of potential productivity has gone by the wayside on a daily basis.  Beyond my time spent viewing the White Sox, reading the White Sox box score, talking White Sox, and bragging about the White Sox, I’ve been doing the same for the upstart Chicago Bulls who just this weekend clinched their first playoff berth since 1998.  I also joined 24 Hour Fitness for the next 3 years minimum.

Sports and fitness aside I have recently begun really working hard at editing and music.  I am not certain what fueled this surge of creative work but for now it is going strong.  I do know that one influence and motivating factor was the amazing show I laid witness to just an evening ago. 

After over a year of wanting to go to Largo, last night finally brought me there.  Located in West Hollywood, CA near CBS, The Grove, and Canter's famous deli, Largo is a small music venue where people gather for dinner, drinks, and high quality performance.  Though I've been wanting to go primarily to see Jon Brion(famed for his Soundtrack work on I Heart Huckabees, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and Magnolia) several other greats frequent the joint.  Taking center stage for my maiden Largo run was none other than the great Michael Penn, husband of Aimee Mann, and brother of Sean Penn. 
 
I had circled the date on the calendar over 2 months ago.  Jerry Becker, producer and friend, had recommended Michael's music to me when we had discussed Aimee Mann and Jon Brion.  Though I had zero familiarity with Mr. Penn's repertoire I could already assume that it would be the acoustic jazz pop rock sound that I had grown to love in several of his colleagues songs.

With Nichole and Brian, a friend from work, we headed out after a long day looking forward to a nice relaxing and delicious meal followed by a dessert of truly nourishing live music.  If you weren't looking for Largo you were certainly drive right by.  It has a very unassuming little sign and a completely black facade making it look more like a illicit massage parlor than an extravagant underground music venue. 

Inside was a romantically lit room with tables for dinner, a fully stocked bar, and a small corner stage equipped with medieval looking piano.  For a pricey but still reasonable cover the three of us were escorted to the bar.  For table seats you must make a reservation ahead of time.

At the bar we all enjoyed drinks, the atmosphere and the great background music as we awaited the show.  Brian, having no cash, offered to exchange his cover costs for food and drink.  I obliged and enjoyed Atlanta’s finest beverage (Coke) with a side of Kentucky’s finest offerings (Chicken Fingers).  Though my appetite for cuisine was clearly southern, the music we were about to enjoy belonged to no time or place.

Opening the show was Michael Penn’s background vocalist, Buddy Judge.  Playing a jazzy guitar he told stories with catchy lyrics and wonderful progressions.  I wished that I had more cash to pick up his CD on the spot but instead promised that I would find it post Largo.  Unfortunately the cheapest one I can find is $15, which is a bit pricey!!

During the break between Buddy and Michael I caught out of the corner of my eye one of my music fav’s, Aimee Mann.  She was in attendance to support her hubby as he made his way through their home in LA before going to the Midwest for the tail end of his tour.  Though I was too shy to say anything it was neat to be in an audience with her!

Michael Penn played with a four-piece band.  He was on acoustic guitar, Buddy sang back up vox and occasionally also played guitar, and two gentlemen were on the keys, one on synth the other on the piano.  Penn’s haunting music, coupled with his passion for performance, pierced right through me.  I instantly fell for his sound, a sound not too different than Aimee Mann’s or Jon Brion’s, yet unique and so very honest.  The guitar playing was incredibly deft and beautiful, the chord choices were Beatle-esque, and the melodies were original yet still as catchy as pop tunes.

The topics of the songs ranged from the politically charged, as it was quickly made clear that Michael has similar views to his outspoken kin, to love, to feeling inadequate. Between songs Michael showed that he suffers from a bit of OCD by repeatedly retuning his guitar. Buddy would make humorous small talk to pass the time and the ritual became an enjoyable one.

All and all this was one of the greatest shows I've ever seen and I've seen some great shows. Usually to really enjoy a performance I will need some familiarity with the music but he carried his songs so well and the venue was so conducive to listening to completely new sounds that I felt engaged and delighted throughout.

For those of you traveling to or living in Los Angeles I cannot recommend Largo enough. For those of you interested in learning more about this genre of music or really anything on earth check out any one of the number of links posted in this entry.

Out.

The going on's

Tuesday Apr 5, 2005 - Link to Entry

‘Bout time I made with the bullet points..

-What’s worse, Mr. Goodwrench or Midas commercials? Of course I’d take either over another damned Capital One David Spade spot. Man some marketing executives need to be bounced.

-Speaking of commercials, have you caught the new old spice body wash ad? It makes fun of sex appeal in its competitors’ advertisements and alludes to enjoying one’s self in the shower in a non-cleansing way.

-I went out like a mad man this past weekend. There were a lot of folks in from out of town and thus a lot of entertaining to do. Thursday Jessica and Adam invited me out to join them and their guests for bowling at our local highbrow rock 'n bowl, Lucky Strike.

On the way in we were approached by a gentleman with a clipboard who very emphatically encouraged us to head up to a club for a special show being put on by the current cast of the Surreal Life . For those of you unfamiliar with the Surreal Life, it is a reality program from VH1 that takes 7 or 8 second rate celebrities and puts them up in a house in the hills to live together for a few weeks. We were about to witness their first ever-competitive Burlesque show.

Before I knew it Bronson Pinchot of 'Perfect Strangers' was hosting a show featuring amongst others the controversial Jose Canseco, Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth of 'Apprentice', and Pepa of ‘Salt N Pepa.’ Soon they were dancing, cursing, and stripping their way to the audience’s hearts. WEIRD!

-At Lucky Strike, I broke 100 for only the 6th time in my storied bowling career while accidentally eating someone else’s food mistaking it for Adam’s.

- Adam G’s visit brought the crew to The Saddle Ranch on Friday and down to Redondo Beach (see Mexico) on Saturday. Though I personally was completely off my game, I was able to participate in a great Beer Pong tournament. Also falling in the first round were Sam, Gabe, and Adam, so we were able to have a consolation caps game. Though Sam and I lost, our celebrations Dance 360 style were something to behold.

-Ralph’s is a very sketchy place at 3am on Daylight Savings night when slightly intoxicated. But nothing is better than a bunch of frozen food to quench that deep body hunger (though I won’t debate the sexiness of said foods).

Bullet Pointz to the mizax or something like that...

Whale Man Arrested

Sunday Apr 3, 2005 - Link to Entry

AP Ficticia, NY – 3 minutes ago.

The man authorities have referred to as “Whale Man,” was taken into custody today after a series of formal complaints from his neighbors uncovered his newest hiding place. Danty Loso Preatapay, 38, originally from a privately owned group of islands somewhere in the Indian Ocean, became interested in sea mammals at a young age. He began training local wild Whales and Porpoises to put on shows for local farmers and schoolgirls.

His knack for teaching the animals soon turned sour when Preatapay realized he could teach the animals to steal from passing cruise ships. Soon both Carnival and Norwegian Cruise lines had hired bounty hunters to try to kill these crafty creatures. If it hadn’t been for a tropical storm that changed the course of a UN aid boat perhaps these bounty hunters would have gone unnoticed.

Instead the crafty animals were found and shipped to nearby aquariums. Once in custody tests were done on the creatures to try to uncover the identity of the mysterious Whale Man. The results showed the approximate location of their trainer, a plot that had belonged to none other than Danty Loso Pretapay who had coincidentally disappeared just weeks before his home was seized by UN authorities.

Though it was thought that he would never be discovered, a recent series of letters addressed to the owners of the famous 27GK building on the corner of Palmer Dr. and Anista St. led local authorities to believe that a sea mammal was illegally being harbored on the 8th floor. After appropriate warrants were obtained Pretapay was taken into custody and currently stands charges in several nations for theft and illegal wildlife interaction.