Gabe Pierced Up

Tuesday Apr 26, 2005

This is the legend of the first piercing of Gabe. Though the result, a pierced cartilage, is completely true, this tale is entirely made up.

142 Kilometres North of London is the small wooded village of Knocksington. With a population of just under 300, its the type of place where everyone knows everyone. A few years back one of the most promising young men to ever be reared in Knocksington, Charles Van Lockheart, vanished just three days before his 17th birthday.

18 Miles Southeast of Seattle is the small city of Waconta Lake. With a population of around 24,000 or so, its the type of place where people like to play sports in the afternoons but keep to themselves at night. A few years back one of the most promising young men ever to be reared in Wacota Lake, Gabe E. Drucker, left to study the law in sunny Los Angeles.

The price of poker just went up folks....we're uping the stakes.

Just 3 days shy of two weeks ago Charles Van Lockheart and Gabriel Elliott found themselves imprisoned by a roaming tribe of middle American Huns. Charles had been plucked from a romantic carriage ride through Central Park with a woman who he thought was a potential lover. He soon found out that she was no potential lover, nor was she a woman.

Gabe had reluctantly boarded a bus that he thought looked strangely like a warcraft. His intuitions were dead on, this was no bus.

As these Huns had gained momentum on their conquest to kidnap the well to do and/or promising young adults of Westwood, Pleasanton, and all of Ventura County, they had rubbed The Lions club of Kansas City, Kansas - Pirate Clan the wrong way.

Charles and Gabe awoke to find themselves gaged and bound in the stockroom of Ralph's Grocery store. Through a series of grunts they were able to make formal introductions. Gabe, realizing that his left foot being slightly bigger than his right could reach his co-captive, used his left big toe to pinch a corner of Charles' gag against a box of fat free pealess pea soup. Charles slowly pulled his head back and his gag came free.

Charles wished to return the favor, but being part Hobbit as many are from cities more than 8 kilometres North of London are, he had very short legs and very hairy feet. But Gabe's ability to communicate effectively will not become essential until later in this tale so the removal of his gag at this point in the plot would be inconsequential.

At that moment the Pirates stormed the Ralphs in a surprise attack of their Hun foes. Hearing their grunting 'Y'ars' and squawking parrots Charles remembered a conversation he had overheard somewhere between Central Park and the Ralph's. The Huns, who spoke more like rednecks and less like the barbarians they so dutifully emulated, had made mention of their growing rivalry with the Lions Club of Kansas City, Kansas - Pirate Clan. Charles decided he and Gabe needed to look like Pirates and fast.

Being used to the cuisines of England Charles found the taste of the ropes to be actually quite gorgeous (yes Brits refer to tasty food as gorgeous). He not only chewed through his imprisoning ties but Gabe's as well.

"Now we must look like pirates my friend," Charles proclaimed as he tied his old gag around his head and then stuck a blunt blade in his ear to reopen an old piercing.

"Your turn. You want a hoop or a stud?"

But before Gabe could respond, a hoop had been inserted on his left ear and they were now looking the part of Pirates. They ran out of the back room to find that the Huns were being trampled by their foes. They were spotted instantaneously.

Three pirates approached Gabe and Charles with swords drawn. "Arr, who ye be?"

Charles responded, "We be the Pirates of Santa Monica, y'arrr."

The three looked at each other, a bit underwhelmed. The leader then asked, "If ye be land pirates such as we, then what be our secret word?"

Charles looked dumbfounded and he pushed Gabe slightly in front of him. Heart beating, palms sweating, Gabe eyed the leader while trying his best to not look nervous. He cleared his throat and said, "Each land pirate clan uses a different secret word. We change ours week to week. I wish not to disclose it to you at this juncture without at least an exchange for your word as a good faith gesture."

"Arr....You are land Pirates."

And then they joined the rest of the Kansas City pack and beat the Huns down with frozen foods and fresh produce. And that is how Gabe came to have a pierced ear.

Journal Archives

The Mailing List!

Enter your email to sign up!

Gabe Pierced Up

Tuesday Apr 26, 2005