Turtles

Saturday Jun 19, 2004

"When the evil shredder attacks, these turtle boys don't cut him no slack."
-Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Theme Song

Wow that grammar is awful. No wonder our kids dont know no english.

Thursday evening, my last in Los Angeles before I make the move, brought the crew to Brennan's, a bar known for its turtle racing. Let me set the scene. When you walk in the place is a normal bar. Your ID is checked, there is no cover, there is a huge four sided central bar island -- like cheers -- a small side stage, darts, video games, etc. This is not where the action is. Through the left rear doors is a whole outdoor patio area some tented, mostly open air. At the center of this is a green circle rug with a estimated radius of 12 feet. Painted on the circumference of said circle is a white line. This is the track. The athletes are located in small cages on the stage just next to the playing field. Women place these athletes (the turtles) in a clear open topped and bottomed cage without bending their knees -- yes this act is done purely to show off the women's rear ends. After all of the turtles have been placed inside the ring is lifted. The turtle that crawls across the white line first is the winner. Follow?

We watched 5 or 6 races. In that time the fastest turtle made it to the outside in probably a minute. In the first race the turtles sat still for over two minutes before even thinking about moving. Though highly humourous, the races themselves lost their appeal quickly.

And now I will sing more of the theme song to close out...

"They're the world's most fearsome fighting teens. Leonardo leads, Donatello does machines. Raphael is cool but crude (Get a grip!), Michallangello is a party dude! Teenage mutant ninja turtles, teenage mutant ninja turtles, teenage mutant ninja turtles, heroes in a half shell. Turtle Power!"

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Turtles

Saturday Jun 19, 2004