Legendary Friend of the People Calls it Quits

Saturday Dec 4, 2004

By Tommy Thomason Editor
Glendale, CA - Ten minutes ago

“Its just all gone to shit. Hasn’t it?”
-Schmidty

After 27 years of being a very social man and good friend, David L. Schmidty has thrown his hands up. “I can find nothing else to blame but the times.” The times he is making reference to is not the neighboring Pasadena RosyDay Times, but rather the modern era – the twenty first century.

Schmidty, always having a very full social calendar, had throughout his life found it difficult to maintain all of his friendships, but he nonetheless valued doing so above all else. He would often spend his weekends almost entirely out with the people he loved while slipping in phone calls to all those who were in far away places that he couldn’t see.

The following is a question and answer session with this famous friend of the people. In it I hope to uncover why he has thrown in the towel so abruptly with regards to maintaining his many friendships.

Tom: Hello Mr. Schmidty. May I call you David?
David: Call me what you like for now, I guarantee I won’t be hearing from you again.
Tom: Oh alright. Well then David. I have come here today to uncover why you have thrown in the towel so abruptly with regards to maintaining your many friendships.
David: Its simple really. The world has changed. I can find nothing else to blame but the times. People have become self-serving, uninteresting, flake machines.
Tom: Self-serving, uninteresting, flake machines. What do you mean exactly?
David: The rules were once simple. Make plans with someone, be there or cancel politely ahead of time. Or if you called someone and they couldn’t speak at the time they call you back. All that has changed. In an era dedicated to self-help, fitness, and spiritual liberation, the world is more lonely, unhealthy, and detached than ever before.

At this point in the interview David began to pace about. He seemed very uneasy. I could feel his frustration with others mounting. The temperature in the room began to increase.

Tom: The sense I’m getting from you, and correct me please if I’m wrong, is that you feel that people have become less accountable as friends. Their support and love have in some ways diminished and become unpredictable and unaccountable?
David: Precisely. Pre-fuckin-cisely. And I used to think it was a regional thing. Just the well to do of the valley. But its old friends who can’t seem to return a call, new friends who just don’t seem to want to spend time together. Times have allowed for people to go and grow further and further apart and still maintain some semblance of a connection. But its just that. A shell. No substance. Its all gone to shit. Hasn’t it?

Feeling that more was about to pour from his lips I sat and soaked in the silence. This man, a once proud lover of the people and friend to all, had become a grouchy miserable man when his friends had let him down. After a few more moments he went on . . .

David: I can’t help but think that you blame me for all this. Maybe you’re right. Why would all of the people in my life suddenly conspire against me to make me feel so out of touch, so lonely, so – I don’t know. But you’re wrong. You are so fuckin’ wrong Tommy Thomason. I’m sorry Tom, but it shouldn’t take three phone calls to get just one back. It shouldn’t take 12 planned meetings to finally see someone out socially just once. I remember the days when the object of my amorous designs would be the easiest plans I’d ever make. No longer. I’m one hell of a miserable sun of a bitch these days Tommy T, but I have always been a good friend. It ain’t me.

David began to weep quietly near the windowsill. He had many picture frames in his study all of which were now seemingly empty. There was a plant near where he was standing that had gone brown and become all droopy with neglect. I had never seen someone more alone in the world.

After a few moments I began to collect my things. He was still staring out the window at nothing. As I got up and headed towards the door an electronic ring blasted away the remaining stale silence of the room. David reached into his pocket and removed a very small cell phone. He looked at it puzzled but then excitement crept across his face.

Tom: I’ll leave you to your phone call.
David: Thank you.

But, to be honest, I didn’t quite leave him. I stood right outside the still half open door out of site as he answered his phone. This is what I could hear from my end.

David: Hello? Oh. I see. Well… I guess send me an order of yellow curry with beef instead.

He hung up and I could hear him weeping once again.

This once legend has thrown in the towel.

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Legendary Friend of the People Calls it Quits

Saturday Dec 4, 2004