Circus Toye and The Murderous Longborough

Sunday Dec 12, 2004

Toye had taken to peculiar things like training bears how to clean his dishes. He wasn’t a circus man but he had all kinds of odds and ends that made it seem as though he were.

Johnny Longborough, British accountant and family man, had an obsessive taste for murder. It wasn’t the pain he inflicted or the power he felt as he stare at the newly deceased, it was just a release for him like running, singing, or having sex are for most other people.

Toye had known Longborough in his youth. Being the first to physical mature in his grade, Toye had been able to exact revenge upon Longborough for all those times he hadn’t picked him first on the cricket pitch. Toye found his revenge in the form of his closed hand making swift and unwelcomed contact with the rear of Longborough’s oddly boxy head. Longborough thought of this moment every day of his life. His head still ached whenever the weather would change.

Toye was with his bears at the supermarket. His grizzly, Samantha, was pushing the cart, while her two cubs were filling the carts with the essentials. Toye checked over their selections: Lettuce, carrots, parsley… “And what’s this?” Toye lifted up a bear shaped bottle of honey labeled Job’s Bee’s Honey.

Johnny in all his years had never seen bears in a supermarket, at least ones that were so well behaved. Without noticing who their trainer was he began following the cubs about. Samantha eyed him with distrust.

Toye couldn’t help but recognize, “The boxiest Noggin in all the United Kingdom,” as the kids used to say. Longborough couldn’t take his eyes off of the bears. Toye called out to him, “Longborough.”

Johnny L remained fixated. His eyes widened. He had to murder one of these bears. He could feel the weather changing as his head began to ache.

“Ol’ Longborough. Old man! It’s me…Toye.”

Longborough grabbed a can of corn. He heard not a word of Toye’s attempted greetings. He lifted the can above the head of the nearest cub.

“Longborough!!! Put that down old man!”

Samantha had seen enough. With a closed paw leading her arm at full velocity she aimed for the back of one of the boxiest heads she had ever seen. In the same moment, with all the force he could muster and with gravity on his side, Longborough brought the canned corn down upon the skull of the closest cub.

Both can and paw made contact simultaneously. Both young bear and old man fell to the ground. Toye dropped the honey. Mammalian blood and the sweet result of the never-ending efforts of bees mixed on the dirty grocery store floor.

The story was in every newspaper. Longborough, a respected man, had been killed by a bear. No matter how much Toye pleaded and explained that Samantha was protecting her cub from a seemingly random act of malicious intent.

Samantha was taken away, her son shipped off to the zoo and Toye was left with nothing but guilt and grief. Longborough was lowered into the ground in an even boxier case than his once crazed brain had been housed in.

Soon the surviving cub, now relocated to the famous UK Manchester zoo, was a hit attraction. Not only could he spin dishes on his claws but he could also clean them thoroughly after he was done with the show.

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Circus Toye and The Murderous Longborough

Sunday Dec 12, 2004