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Ouch!

Tuesday Apr 6, 2004

Well sequels usually are highly inferior. Tonight was no exception. I bombed. I think it was just today. The planets were lined such that things weren't meant to go my way. Luckily I had plenty of warning earlier on in the day so that I wasn't expecting any level of success on stage. The signs included being hit with a major tax debt for all of my independent income this year, the Sox allowing 6 runs in the bottom of the ninth, our family dog needing to be put down, and well, you get the picture.

Anyway, I'd like to take a more objective standpoint on this performance so that I can learn from my mistakes. My first problem was I was totally and completely out of practice. The strings hurt my fingers, I couldn't feel my way around the guitar neck, I was getting lost in vocals and not even hearing myself. So practice, practice, practice. Second problem; I made a game plan to treat the show with a rock humor edge. I barely spoke to the audience and stayed inside my head. I wasn't tight, but I wasn't loose either. It was like I was watching myself and wasn't happy with what I saw. I need to be present and have a good time with my songs. Really take ownership and be proud while I have the time of my life. Third problem; I let myself get unpsyched by having an amazing act on before I began. He was absolutely amazing and it made me see simultaneously what I want for my music which is an unique intimacy and depth and at the same time how damn far I still have to go to get there.

Truth is I'm a bit discouraged. I mean was this RoundRecords experiment, just that an experiment? Ask me six months ago and I would have told you that I would have been selling cd's left and right and that I could make a full time living off of music. Now I can't even listen to my album without cringing. Sam, my comedian friend, says this self doubt lurks and follows everyone no matter how far they go professionally. I love music so much...It'll be interesting to see where it takes me.

I want you all to check out Eoin Harrington. He's the fella that opened up the evening at the Red Devil Lounge. His music is inspiring. www.ehlive.com copy and place in your browser and listen to some of his songs!

Also check out my new friends, Shaken at www.shakenband.com . They were a lot of fun both on stage and backstage before the show. Really great people!

Alright, its passover, and its been 10 years since Kurt Cobain took his own life. What a strange day.