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Middle School Dances sure have changed since '92

Wednesday Dec 17, 2003

I'm not sure if it was the straight up doggy style grinding, the thwamping(the only real word to describe it) bass, or the 3:30pm start time, but this Dance certainly did not feature Brian Adams or Boyz II Men. My ears are still throbbing and I have nobody to blame but myself. You see today I was the DJ or perhaps a better title would have been, the guy the kids harrassed.

Now please correct me if I'm wrong but back in day (the 1990's) there was not much gender intermingling. When the slow songs came on it took all the nerve a young man could muster just to go up to that girl he liked (probably because she was a full foot taller than he). If she excepted his bold offer (3 out of 4 seemed to do so) then the "dance would begin. Now its odd we called this dancing because it was the stiffest and most awkward thing young people could do. With absolutely no bend in the arms or legs the pairing would slow dance by rocking together at a pace close to the beat. A really rare instance of erotica would feature a hug and even a soft cheek kiss at the end of your dance and that was really only if the girl had a crush or if the DJ said "champaign/snowball..."

What was it about those magical words? And whatever happened to them? Did the Clerks definition of snowball somehow taint the word enough to prevent it from being used around children expect in the rare instances of R. Kelly macking and Michael Jackson doing his thing? And why was a DJ using the word Champaign around kids anyway? Unless he was referring to one of the two cities that are home to the University of Illinois where he figured a majority of the kids would end up. So really he must have been thinking they would end up all sleeping with each other and that he had a responsibility to plant the seeds of partner rotation early on in their sexual development. Either way no "champaign snowball..." in No. Cal.

Well I miss my Richard Marx, my Snow, and my Blind Melon. So take that young 'uns.