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100th Entry - Are Hobbits Gay?

Wednesday Dec 24, 2003

And how better to celebrate this landmark moment in Jeremyround.com history than to discuss the sexuality of Hobbits.

After over 10 hours of Lord of the Rings viewing over the past two years I have repeatedly come to the same conclusion, Hobbits are Gay.

Disclaimer: I do not mean for this theory to be offensive by any means, it is simply a thought I have arrived upon as a result of many hints that Peter Jackson (director) dropped throughout the trilogy.

The idea first crossed my mind at the "end" of the first film. I have referred to this moment time and again as "First love of Sam and Frodo." From holding hands to looking longingly in each others' eyes this was a far cry from a plutonic moment between halflings.

Another strong piece of evidence comes to us from the soundtrack. Jackson always elects to play romanticly charged ochestral pieces in these moments of "male bonding." As a student of film I can attest to the fact that the soundtrack often shapes the audiences' perception of character emotion. The juxtaposition of these songs with the hobbit scenes makes the audience feel a romantic tention between Sam and Frodo as well as Pippin and Merry.

If the wrestling around in bed at the end of The Return of the King did not convince you, I do not know what will. The Elf and Dwarf stayed out of that bed. Gandolf seemed amused by it all.

Instead of continuing with my long list of evidencial moments from these films let me try to deter an obvious axe to my theory. I do not mean to spoil the latest film, but Sam gets married at the end, and yes it is to a female hobbit. So most would say, look Jro, they can't be Gay, Sam is married now. I say Bah! Peter Jackson (I am talking to YOU), you have made it clear you feel a romantic tension exists between these characters. Sloppy to tie the films up with this sham! Shame sir, Shame on you! Even if it was in the screenplay, you threw your own twist on the piece and you need to be accountable for it. This supposed heterosexuality of Sam was not introduced till the very last moments of the trilogy. Ring destroyed, deserted on a rock, surrounded in lava, Sam confesses his long time love for some local hobbitess named Cotton something or other. What a shim sham! He spoke of her with loving tones ALMOST as strong as those with which he encouraged his Mr. Frodo to push on. And don't forget Frodo always called for "His Sam." He wasn't even willing to live on after his "friend" left him lonely by tying the knot with that Cotton lady.

From the bouquet catch at the end of the film by Pippin to the final kiss goodbye on Sam's forehead from none other than Frodo Baggins, Peter Jackson wants us to believe hobbits love each other more than just friends, not that there's anything wrong with that. But then again there were moments where I thought we were supposed to view these people as children. Why sexually charge these moments then? Was this in some way a theatrical shout out of support to Peter Jackson's not so distant cousin Michael?

And still more questions remain: Did the books have these overtones (I of course never read them)? Are hobbits, like leemurs, primarily a bisexual or homosexual people/creature? Is Gandolf a pedaphile? Is this the most irrelevant post of all time?

Either way its the 100th. Merry Christmas!